The price you pay for not listening to yourself
This is not a post about Valentine’s day…
I recently drove past a garage on my way back from a meeting.
A garage near to my first training practice as a GP and close to a practice I did locum work at for a long time.
A place I visited after almost every day after work, whether I needed petrol or not.
I’d buy a bar of chocolate and a milkshake or coffee drink.
Almost every working day.
Some days it wasn’t even the first sweet treat of the day. Certainly not the first coffee.
I didn’t know it then but I was self soothing to take away the pain of something that was draining me and leaving me running on empty.
The price I paid to silence that inner voice trying to tell me to get the hell out of this.
“Just shut up, stop your whining. You’ve got it made. Now stuff this chocolate down your face and go home to your wife and kids. And we’ll do it all again tomorrow because you HAVE to.”
All of these memories and voices flashed through my mind in seconds as I drove past it.
Because I’m not that man sat exhausted and depressed in his car anymore.
I'd give myself permission to act on that voice and finally truly listen to it.
I realised that I matter. That I deserved to be happier and not to feel suffocated and trapped for the rest of my life.
Now I’m happier, lighter and enjoying my life again.
In that moment I realised just how far I'd come.
I guess this post IS about love after all...
P.S. Apologies for the stock photo. I whizzed past it as I had this moment of reflection and wasn’t going to go back just to take a photo of a generic garage!